അക്കിഎ തോമസ്‌

for Thomas

I.

Blackness loomed, darkness on your lips
Hustled naked, beneath these bloody ships
Slaving hostile, hope lost in tears
Walking the plank, as spit on the years
Damage is done, the priest kisses dirt

You fold it,
in tiny pieces.
You throw it.
It lights,
next
to
the dying ones.
Brandy and options were the divine
Fool in this laughter, over them climb
Numb grins soiled, daemons pressing in
Broken veins twisted, dust settles thin
Naughty hand sinew, sewn deep in eye
Four-poster...
post mortem...
post revolution...
lick it,
and die.
My friend and I, we'd become nowhere near
Death roses cross, bone surrenders tear
Nipples frozen, blue sky reaches down
Barren heart stark, snow as a crown
King of our century, slashed open shirt
you melt
you soften
dust
kiss
me.
Revolt mortal wish, old bastard whores
kneaded bread bodies, feed open sores
Brandishing youth, senility power hell
Disgraces forgotten, ancient world fell
The thing you and I, cast no one saw
Upon the living
may it
be said
no
more


Prayer
II.

In every failure
In every decay
may live the beast
Who chooseth to roam the mind

In every hollow
In every tree
as it turn into me

I know it not but become
as leaf to fall
as mulch to dirt
as earth that will agian
grow
life

As horse is to cart
Man is to spirit.

In

Incognitive the over cast mind sputtering
In cognitive differences between what is and aint

Indecisive thoughts of blue shielded memory
In decisive action to thus bear it nonetheless

Incorporate possibilities of therefore knowing
In corporate processes to become nothing less than

Inconcievable knowledge of more than this
In concievable achievment regardless of it

Inconvienient as timing pounds the road to dust
In convienient whisps of joy seeing the benefit

Intollerable fake beads of pain throbbing
In tollerable bands of forgiveness to let go

Intention decided by the overthrown gloss
In tention I thought it better not to

Inquest becoming its own leader postulated
In quest I did return therefore without it

Inside I found it glowing like night untouched
In side position it bore no likely tendency

Insignificant though it may have been then
In significant novels that may have said it

Insincere bounderies tumult wise men's hearts
In sincere depth it might still be bound

etc

The beauty of your rambling stride
and thickness of gambling roses.
Innocent as though forgiven;
Bound to concept and divination,
as battleships ponder melencholy.

On your cheek dark brown mellow,
higher than willows remembering us...
two before eachother, savage lest passion
Heed to awakening slumbers' desguise.
Who, tender to its call,rustles white.

Then turning bold skin to light,
frown erases that that never had a
chance of being less than this
To dawn, heroic stand of confidence,
to breath of your lull listening.

Be as it may thunder crossing kings
lightning roaming the meadowless shallows,
summer kissing spring into lovers,
The consequence and numbers of peace,
Come to glory as sheltered wisdom.

The yellow rise in my eyes
the hull in my cheeks
the dusk in my breath
am I but human

the sallow mist in my veins
the tawny thing I knew
the battered bird flown
to where it became free

grit behind the lids of lisping tongues
rabid groves of frightened limbs
wrenched from the pulse of earth itself
kindness bore its crooked snigger mouth
bend on wire and turf crumpled hay
its hooves turned broad as lamplight frozen

thing
do you
know
my name?

Senseless

Knocked senseless
the runes in my bones
the craters in my veins
the scars in my voice
the tears in my hair
the gas in my eyes
the fire in my skin
the echo in my brain

all gone numb as blood in muddy water
as thickener in poison potions
as formaldehyde in jars

propped on my pillow
as night croaks
as dark squeezes
as dry stars pelt
as no moon shimmers
as weak legs falter
as doubting stomach lurches

erased like chalk on mellow wanting
the ache retreating
the absence receding
the pain subsiding
the confusion retort less

no wonder
no hope
no joy
nothing but a solid urge to wake tomorrow in lighter light

Dear diary

Never been here before
Never stayed out on a Sunday
Never drank in the scene of the film
on a Sunday
Never sat with you on a Sunday
never showed my face on a Sunday
Never shouted on a Sunday
Never showed you what it meant on a Sunday.

Never possessed the words it took on a Sunday

______________________________________
By these broken jammed wilderness yawns
By the huddles thorough thoughts
un -chopped in hesitance
Non featured in the daily
Was it the tone in your voice
the sound of your pause
the breath you took in between
what could be , maybe love
that not as a toy, not as a crutch
not as something I threw out yesterday.....
could it boogies beyond the walls and streets of this town??
Could it serve breakfast as a clown-
who knew what evidence it would produce as you simply sat by me
or I sat simply by you

Opening like a china fan

No morning in grief
No eye without thought
No lips touching dawn
No shade below river
No rock without foot
No heart without racing
No speed brushing tides
No ocean towing windows
No fog moving hills
No fawn flowing embers
No fire kissing winter
No frost melting hands
No fingers throwing sticks
No brush growing dim
No light hushing children
No laughter pushing tears
No fate knowing freedom
No liberty sunk in ashes
NO coals tossing chants
No greed haunting walls
No gold drowning blood
No red passion death
No bosom fighting tender
No warrior glaring love
No wisps bombing youth
No smoke rising towers
No rain rising mortar
No gloom pushing through
No poise of demise.

blue suede the ocean

blue swayed the ocean
crescent on my heart
opening like dawn
flurry as cuspid truth
broken arms amended
sullen cheeks persuaded
beside the melancholy
whatever it was before
now isn't therefore
neither hauty nor bold
but bleeds in my blood
as you do

Broken heart sweet

Sometimes I wonder if I will ever fall in love ever again
so completely as it did once when we were then
Glowing in one another's' dreams
Sparkling in the ripples of the lakes tears
and walking through the tunnels of kind bliss
I still mourn your loss which was so long ago now
If I could have those days back again
Id take them
Barefoot and bear breasted in the rain
of your arms sweet
candle light on your cheek in the house by the river
where mold grew beautiful and green on our wall
next to the most beautiful bed I ever lay
night air warm in wine and love
the music rings in me like it were today
and yet it was half a life time ago now
I dont regret having loved you then
as I do now
Will I ever know true love again?

Two picures

The video game
he shoots and scores
killing 12
a new winner
highest score
He goes to the fridge
it has
chemical milk
hormone yogurt
He looks in the closet
and finds himself a Kellogg rice crispy
unwraps the plastic
throw it in the trash
and goes to watch his favorite program
till mom calls for dinner
proud, high, and dosed.

A different boy
In front of a lake
shading his eyes against the suns
reflection on the water
Listening to the crickets
pausing
just for a second
before making a mad dash
for the inside of the
fresh, cold
deep
plunging
in joy.
Proud , high, dosed

I dream of love
night after morning
dawn and dusk again
wandering in his arms
Each and every
thought and curve
brings me to his
body and mine
He changes shape
he changes
form
as each dream
comes inside me heart
the infusion
of new generosity
He acts impossible
yet wanting me still
He takes me day before night
light before dark
lulled before passion

Two of them

There were two of them
They came to my house
and I payed them more than they expected
I wanted it done right
They were the usual type you'd see in a
Hollywood flick

I explained to them what I wanted done
They didnt ask me any questions
and seemed confident in them selves
I trusted them enough and also
Didnt go into details of why , where or how

Later they told me: We took him by surprise
We cornered him there in the corner you had asked us to
and pinned it deeply in his chest
we took a stethoscope and listened carefully
to make sure it was done right
He stood pretty much cool as we did it to him
Didnt take his eyes off us
and didnt move when we left.

I had wanted this done now for a long time
I had seen these things happen to others
and wanted the guarantee that it would work out for me too
So I hired them- to do it
I had secured it- they had fastened it into your heart
hinged it to the walls, it would flow in your blood now forever
no going back- you were now mine.

Woman

Any man could taste me now
and find
The perfection
of my fertility
I have been yours for ever
Any man could feel my weight
with possibility of bearing
I have been your
future forever
without you-
without me
there is no
future at all
I am the possibility
I am your death
Sacred to some
a weapon to others
Your weapons stand as erect as
the symbol
of your future
If in love-
You loved me
If In Truth I bore you
Would not that truth be
fruit upon our lands
Would not the gentleness
of my son, my father, my lover, my spouse
know me as I am?

My thoughts turn to grass
Fields upon my heart
Wind in my veins
the sky upon my chest
Fingers in the hills
arms wrapped in valleys
mountains over my back
spine inside the sands
My blood inside the waves
turning into dust
Dusk flowing as patience
The quality of pleasure
giving unto morning
Pleasant to the touch
Of my eyes looking towards you.

the Fool

Its all inside, words, thoughts and more thoughts
stuck between the walls of my head, stuck inside my heart like glue
that dont want to show themselves
Fleeting moments of clarity come rushing in and pause
just long enough for me to grab them , hold them
look at them for a second and then they are gone again , never to be retrieved
The sadness I feel today is of loss, and recognizing the loss
as I question so many things. There has been no devision in my world in my own mind. Entruega total to deceive myself of things that will never be. Why when we know things do we still go ahead? Why do we need to confirm what we already will be a certain way. The looser will always make sure he/she looses, unless in understanding his/her routine of loss.
Why when with riches are we sometimes so poor inside?Why when a table is set with hardly any food may it be sometimes the grandest moment shared?
I will stand tall, true and clear, for I have done no wrong.

I couldn't believe it
I found myself arguing with him again
Hell I thought we'd been over it. But I felt like saying MAN...
Peaceable stars flit among national anxieties
Of dogmas, karmas, taboos, yogis and bewildered nothing- ers
Who come and who go farther than the eye can see
He
She
It
Nobody
or may be
Someone
What is its name
thats that thing I want
that thing you have and just wont give it
Over to me
Maybe we can strike a deal
He says "Forget it Joe, are you insane?
I talked to the guy yesterday and he said it wouldn't be in till tomorrow.
So go fuck yourself and get Mary to send it via post. You know fucking snail mail... and Ill expect it early Monday AM
Other than that screw it
You have to deal with things as they come and just dodge the insane humanitarian act of benevolence thats out of our reach.
You and that guy Manny, you've got the same problem...You're both hiding out in this insane thought that its gonna work out for you- But me???? Hell my Mama drove it to me like nails, drove it so deep I ever forgot, like Jesus or something, I learned to walk on water- But you know the water we walk on just isn't the fucking same as it was BC and all that.
Water today is like blood, and if you don't know where to fish- you're a dead
man. , So gimme a chance and I ll blow you some cash on Monday after that thing from Mary gets here. Fuck you other wise, I cant spare you my time and much less dead hands on deck off a car crash or some shit like that".

He hangs up..what am I going to say to someone as bull headed as that??? Do I even care? Of course there is reason in alot of what he said, Mary?? Are you kidding? I have to ask nailpainted, hairspray oozing, ever ready Mary for this one. I feel like it was only tree minutes ago I asked her for the last favor and It took too damn long to escape her sweet and well meant chit fucking chat, save me the Chinese torture thing, its Friday...blow me...why is the siren sounding??

Faithful

To the age of your disguise
to your lips and to your thighs
No whisper deeper no tone depends
To the haste of invitation
to your name of hesitation
No breath compares no sound offends
To the touch of your forgiving
to your words in me still living
No faint and unknown jest to the
heart
upon my breast

ब्लड ओं ६६

There is always blood on 66
Route to or from
Dont matter no
Especially in spring
When trying to cross
There is no fostered
continuation of life
My wheels as black as the sky
The moon as high as
My wine
Men been crowing like roosters
primping feathers
Strutting me up
My hips driving on
to the song
rythm of night
Over that hill
these bloody roads
and sleeping houses
sleeping
sleeping

To love

Crawling into me like your hands inside my hair
Gentle and smooth
Coming in like sand and its salt water lapping shore
sweet and salted
Disolving all my fear, frustration and anger
like ice into boiled water
Calming and soothing me kindly between its soft touch
like the beauty of music in my heart
And flooding my body tender and strong
like rows of spring apple orchards and valleys
Given unto its wonder my body moves and breathes
like a sea turtle as dawn kisses and lulls it
Through the hundreds of years upon my dancing smile
like the best days I ever remember spending with you
my love

Cunning America hides in the tombs of its predecessors,
too nimble to thumb its own hand,
digging from the graves of its innocent.
America hands itself to the deaf,
roars at the sheepish,
dies before the virgins
floods itself in youth,
never trusting the wisdom of the wrinkled
elders to whom the land belonged.
It dies before Rome,
It falters before the emperor of East,
It knows not is production nor its waste,
gauging the deaf for hints of their hides.
Trying to kiss the fur,
of seals in dead harbors,
of bits of its garbage in its belly fishing,
of hurracanes that hold no.........

NO information the CIA will take into connsiddeation
So many things have been written about America
what would mine be?
Nothing,

Impunity

Selfish being has your thunder come across my heart rambling
Tossed upon your grief
and wonder
Has the curdled bolls taught you to kiss the shrines, has the wisdom
of your torture become my peace
Has riddled rising feigning dank and rough bounty cursed your plains
As wandering desert in autumn
the gathering leaves of hills
whisper slightly unto my mothers words
Child, hast thou forgotten?
Hast thou moved so far away from my native heart
Betwixt the columns of danger and deceit
Hast thou become the nightmare of the kindred
Lost?
Just because your joy taunted mine
Does that mean you grace must fall unto the wicked?
Why can not you slip into the solidity of peace?
Why can not your spell be cast among the living?
Lips upon the soil as death does unto the innocent.

Nowhere than the curves of earth
Nowhere except the daunting monuments that god hid before the breathing
Souls of men.
our wicked captivity has my belt entangled
In the tears of cities tumbled
Like weeds upon a foreign shore
How can you not see the beast in me?
Deception
Like the curve of a edible woman
Is all it will be to you
Not the glimmer of vast deeds that shatter
The looking glass of time
Seek beyond the highest hills
walk the quietest valleys
There you will find the whisper of creation.

As cannons fire overhead, look ye not upon the graves
look ye unto the eyes that meet.
Rest your eyes on heaven,

Cry

I turn in upon myself
Into the landscapes where I
Can dream- of things no one
Will ever see
I walk along the paths
That know me,
Stepping over the bridges I built
Washing my face in the rivers I cried
Beginning in the mountains
I ride the streams
down to the wide river's current
without vestiments
I set fire to the night
patting embers of my past
and wait till morning light
Lets me wander on
I see the hills now, sliding as I pass
I watch as the dawn floods my veins
And with no resistance
I let it into my pulse
the tender rocks
smoothly scattered among my fingers
the wet grass holding my spine against the earth
The ease of living
Where my heart rests
It cries not in pain
for all that has passed
It cries not for what may not be
It cries beacuse it knows,
that only it can give it what it
wants most
desires most
I remember making love to you
Young in our bodies,
The little pretty hotel room
Painted blue
Your perfect skin
touching me in the light
I touch that lost young love.
I cry for that lost young love.

E mail to a friend

Oh...........here is a good one-
So we decide to stop in at Dunkin D ( a maybe if you are lucky, two times a year thing, 'cause we are pretty organic food-ers 98%) with the kids after a adult art topic kind of meeting on Saturday aternoon-
So, we walk in- 2 people at 2 registers- White guy not doing such a great job- mixes up order for lady infront of me numereous times, till the girl 3 making the order cant stand to hear the poor girl ordering say it again, and shoots in loudly
"I got it I got it"
" She's got it" says the cashier to the girl ahead of us.
The other person at the 2nd register is a
Black girl- available- standing beside cashier dude one, but totally passive, doesnt attend me, stands there for the entire order of person in front of us( me and kids) slightly in front of the available register, but body angled toward the guy, like she was just hanging out waiting till he finished - I think- humm look at that, that is odd, okay- never assume anything- maybe there is a reason, maybe he's training, and she is guiding, maybe its cause I'm an out of town-er, maybe Im too white, mabye Im not local or something. He seemed to be doing well enough with the machine , just couldnt get the order straight,so I couldnt figure it out, She 'could' take me...anyway, I just wait- see what happens..humpty pum, I take a breath.
Sofie ( my kid) says " Buy 6 get 6 free" or something like that, is the offer
"Really " I say in incredulous disbelief. Hell I dont want 12 doughnuts for 3 kids, blach. Our turn,'
"Hi, can I have 6 Boston Cremes please?" adding the "I dont want the other 6"
Guy at the regiter says
" You dont want the other 6?"
" No" I say looking at the girl, (the passive register girl now with gloves on and serving out the doughnuts as he attends the till), I say,
" Make you feel sick" she totally agrees. But then I say
" Do you want them?" to the guy at the register, he kind of tilts his chin back, and I move on- The girl- yuck says her face like saying 'makes me sick too', so I immediately swing around and ask the blond lady behind me
" Do you want my other 6 ?" a man behind her looks interested,
" You?" I say. She steps closer
"yeah Ill take them, got 7 kids at home, and one over t' visit" The guy at the register says
" Your gonna give em to my folks!!!" with a funny who's the winner kind of awkward, proud, 'go figure smile.
Yeah, phew pawned them off on someone who actually has a use of them( and my kids wont have a belly ache-sugar hype (as massively anyhow)) . Kind of uncomfy wanting to dissapear into invisibility with all eyes on us, till we actually get cashed out, ok transactions done, our box to us, napkins in hand Do I leave a tip? I ask myself, and answering myself, no, there was no service I guess. A small head nodding
" Thank you mam" as we pass by the happy winner of an extra 6 doughnuts.
" Thank You " I say, with a 'hey your doing me the favor' tone , without even making eye contact, wanting to get the 'h' out of there asap.
My thing about the back girl not serving me, even though her register seemed available, clicking with her in the 'Yuck' doughnuts thing, the wierdness of offers,spending, gifting, and watching the kids lick thier chocolate sticky fingers,and slowly uncovering the smooth creamy center with total precautions as not to let a single blob drop to the muddy mini van spring mud seasoned floor, with no hope of retrieval with a single slip of the fingers carefully holding them, it all seem just funny as I hit the stop light and hung a left onto rte 66.

A glimpse

Calloused in reproach, why it didn’t make its way to the center of the universe I don’t know.
I believed in our love to the penny picking inch of every leaf on every branch of our garden
Bathed in tears -two years of not having seen you-
this thing where I can virtually talk to you, I see you cry too
Balls of forgiveness pound on me like rain
Torrential in the tropical hills where we stood
Holding one another in binds that drift beyond
Hallucinations and the drugs we knew
Killing others
Beyond the drifting whine of our babies at dark times
Huddled in blankets our hearts only knew
Till the dawn pushed us out again
Flowers grew around our patio
Pushed up against a city jet black gang
Dog song, and tattoo death
Bullets police and thieves wouldn’t keep us in
Cadavers tortured under hollow cursed bridges
Of whores and glue sniffers
And toxic garbage from the leaking walls behind us
The children played hide and seek in the folds of
Mama’s skirt local as the beggar kissed her own
As the tilted buses bore me forward through
Those streets of deathly love
The strangulation of flowing blood carpeted
The bedroom attire at sunrise bellowing
Noontime meals with 13 at the table
Children born in houses by church midwives
Squeaky nocuous shots of floor soap and squeaky clean
Toes pitter patter across, to a ringing door bell from hell
“Give me the children” He said pointing the gun at her head
She slammed the door and threw the children
Back to the back of the garage, leaving him out side
I was working and got the call
They tried to kidnap your kids;
but had the wrong house.
I had angel wings, angel eyes, and angel heart
I swear it wasn’t my whiteness that saved me
Just that I knew what I did do- was good unto others
And that protected me.
Except against you- the one I loved the most.

Appology to a friend

Rush to the flood of wings and migration, rush to the burried graves, rush to hear the singing angels above us, and the glory of the untamed days.
By and by the whithered depths came fleeing to my side, hard among the dampened glitter, a beast below its side
Towards the darkened bitter gash , my eyes turned slowly by, and fought to sunder, passed fury thunder the voice that called my name
Who , shouted I, who dare, who dare come this close, who dare step these dark demises and folly in my game?
I saw you- slight smile on your face- unscathed by death- hands- not knowing what to do- with all my old learned rage, I turned without sorrow
I turned unhurt, but stonger. If I wielded a sword- forgive me friend, said I, mine was drawn in defense, and I know you would never draw on me.

सिनोप्सिस पार्ट पीस # २

Wow the title converted to some unknown language all by itself
I hope the post is in english

Beconing , the streets meander as fellow soldiers stumble homeward
Whos thoughts breather residence , whos whisper hushes peace
Whos behavior humbles the turmoil of riddled sallow frought folk
Mumbling on solid music and perturbed kind followers
Thus in the midst of garbage and beer
Thus between the mustered beat of pleading hugging women, I saw her
Standing bold
standing turning the blissfull toil of people who did not know my age,
Who did not know my face, When there is no one, anyone becomes important
Stage two...when the street is barren
what becons you in?

stone cold, I bit it hard
thinking of you on the roadside blue
I pass circumferance of roads to aviod you numb
why couldnt you stay on that path
the lights shine no,
and pause at my passing breath
where I come from cozy and white
with snow and geaming faces
shining with the new day upon your grave
are you
bent
are you solemn in repent
are you bound for church this quiet
Sunday bells?
Here
I know not, only moving past mourning of your absence
and that though little
, who else saw, shut down
used to the bloodhed
used to the widows, used to the plight for aid
used to the pease help the family of this victim of its own demise
so... much warmer in this house
so much quieter breathing like this mouse
sminling at me in its dreams, '
no pain, no frightned delerverance from gain
hold its hand and walk along
your song
all gone night unto day.

Ice upon my lips, the fragile deer in the front snow covered lawn
past midnight, is my folly your play, is my taught surrender your beguiled horizon of rummor
Do I make shift the guiet surrender of your pausing hostility
Freed, I breathe in , I whisper to myself, I wonder if this night will become who I thought I was
Is this chaos my fortune, is this rapture my destiny
Is this forfiegth my becomming
Is this teeter taughter your voice overcoming my indignance
My ignorance of the world
Do you flood the floors of dancers?
Do you caress the minds of the hestitant
I embrace my child , wrapped in the balankets I left behind,
She sighns and moves here beside me, soft and sleeping
I thus also turn my drunken heart to meet her
Meet the clouds that hold me
Keep the thoughts that surround me
Keep these draughts of stories for this white sleepy night is calling me home to angels
caling me onto tomorrow, calling me onto my one and only, and my
cumbersome gleaming morning, of horses breath and hay filled wheels.